From Essentials-Only to Overflow

Self-care as self-love: discovering how to move beyond bare minimum energy.

The other day, I discovered a recent journal that I had filled to the brim. Flipping through it, one theme stood out that had come up again and again through that journal’s life: Show me how to move beyond Bare Minimum energy.

As always, the answer started coming— but I didn’t realize until today that it was coming through a series of lessons and blog posts inspired by my sister.

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Let’s talk about self-care.

Slow, luxurious, lavish self-care. The most indulgent kind you can dream of.

My self-care routine would probably be described as “au naturel”. While I do love getting dolled up for a night out, my most common moments are barefoot, smile on, hair naturally curly and flowing, heart open, and totally basking in my own radiance. ✨Naturally me.

Day-to-day, I tend to focus on all-natural skincare and wear pretty minimal makeup, if any at all. Some days I choose fun, styled outfits, but just as often I choose loose, flowy dresses or casual wear.

However, as I write this post, I’m taking breaks to make appointments for a blowout this week, IPL the next, and ordering bright new spring outfits in between.

Why?

It all started on my recent ski vacation to Madonna di Campiglio with my sister (an aside: this was our dream ski trip; it was top notch— I highly recommend it). I learned so many beautiful lessons from my sister during that trip, but this one hit home again and again: learning self-care as self-love.

My sister is a master of this art. This girl always looks absolutely ✨FABULOUS ✨. The standard of care she sets for herself is so high.

Heading to an eye exam? She’ll have a fresh blowout, full glam makeup, and a beautiful outfit paired with heels. Off to the gym? She’s got a sweet and stylish matching set, her hair tied in a cute updo, a beautiful coat with a matching yoga mat and water bottle to boot. A long weekend trip? You can bet her red-light therapy mask is packed, along with her full skincare routine, and facemasks for her and all her travel mates. 👑 This girl has Queen energy locked.

The Queen of Glam <3

So, for our trip to Italy? She, of course, showed up with a bag full of self-care goodies, the cutest ski outfit you’ve ever seen, and hair sets for us both so we could wake up with flowing locks every day. Meanwhile, I rolled in with the smallest bag I could manage, filled with essentials only, and was lucky to even have a second pair of shoes for nights out. I was clearly going for the “low-fuss” award.

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The Standards We Set

You could just take this at face value and say my sister and I each have our individual styles. But this goes much deeper. It’s about the standard we set in caring for ourselves.

You carry a different sort of energy when you move through the world looking and feeling your very best. Whether it’s a dinner out or a run to the grocery store, when the standard you offer yourself is to feel absolutely beautiful, you carry an essence of confidence, self-love, and pure radiance. It feels like devotional love. ❤️‍🔥

Over the years, I’ve seen the time, the resources, and the joy my sister invests in caring for herself (and for others). This high standard of devotion has created a beautiful and powerful ripple effect throughout every aspect of her life. I’m talking a serious glow up in every dimension, from her romantic partnership, to her health, to her finances, her home, and more.

I truly believe one of the lessons she’s here to remind people of is the value in being indulgent in how we care for ourselves.

Anytime we travel together or are going out, she always offers to do my hair and makeup. She shows me products to better support my skin, how to style my hair in new ways, and always loads me up with goodies she thinks I’ll love. This is her love language. (How lucky am I to have this person as my sister and best friend!?)

Until this trip, though, I'd never fully understood the value of what she was offering me. It’s not just about doing my hair or makeup. She’s been patiently showing me and trying to teach me that I am worthy of indulgent pampering and self-care, and that it’s an important lesson for me to learn.

So, while I’ve been busy focusing on “essentials-only” and figuring out how I can get by without, my sister carries the mindset “why would I even consider making myself go without?”

Oof.

There’s a richness and depth behind that energy.

Offering yourself that kind of love and devotion is a big, beautiful essence. 🔥 It sets a standard.

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Essentials-only energy

This is a radical lesson for me, because until this point, self-care has mostly come down to convenience. I’ve treated it as a whim or an afterthought. It’s generally the very last thing on my to-do list, and however long it really takes me to get ready, I’m cutting that time in half almost every time. That’s been my self-care process.

To some degree, I’ve always regarded luxurious self-care as a little frivolous. Nice to have, but don’t need it. I tell myself things like, I would be better served writing, working, creating, playing— doing something more valuable. And then secretly feeling like there’s a superiority in being low-key.

And, I know I’m not alone in this.

There have been times when I’ve belittled my sister for her process 💔, and I’ve seen others do it too. Backhanded compliments, side eyes, jabbing remarks. There's jealousy and discomfort there. Not jealousy because of how great she looks (although, damnnnn), but jealousy because we would never dare to offer the same level of self-care to ourselves.

When I’ve acted like this, it’s because her level of self-care was so disproportionate to mine that I felt threatened. I would never give myself the time, attention, and energy to show up in the same way. So, how dare she? It’s a petty sort of energy.

When we deem someone showing up as their most radiant self as frivolous or “too much,” it’s never because they are too much; it’s a reflection of how little we allow ourselves, and a nudge that we’re craving more.

And while I’ve certainly leaned on the story that my time is better spent on “more important” things, when it really comes down to it, is there anything more important than showing ourselves devotional care and love?

Thankfully, my sister rises above others' opinions and ignores them, because it really has nothing to do with her. Caring for herself in this way matters to her, and it’s something she’s decided she’s worth, no matter what others might think.

She’s learned this lesson:

We are the ones who set the standard for the care we receive in the world.
We teach the Universe— and everyone else — what we desire and what we are willing to accept.
Whatever that standard is, it becomes the blueprint for how we are treated.

So, why on earth would I set the bar for how I care for myself as “essentials-only,” subtly telling myself that’s all I’m worth? 🤯

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Pushing Our Boundaries

Whether you lean more to heading out full glam or basking in your natural glow, both are absolutely fabulous. The nuance comes down to energy.

Does being totally natural and glowing in your own skin feel like the most luxurious thing that you could offer yourself in that moment? Or, would giving yourself doting, loving attention while you do your makeup and style your hair feel like a more beautiful gift?

The answer will change from day to day. But the truth is, something often stops me from choosing the second option: the luscious, unrushed, indulgent self-care. Part of me has been unwilling to offer myself this kind of devotional love. But I want to, and in fact, I need to if I want to experience the full range of beauty life has to offer.

I need to get comfortable and at ease with decadent self-doting.
I need to get comfortable spoiling myself.

As I raise the bar for how I care for myself, it raises the bar for how others care for me, too. ✨

The Invitation

Self-care is a beautiful way to elevate our self-worth. As we offer ourselves devotional care, it reminds us that we are worthy of time, attention, and resources. It elevates feelings of self-respect, and it expands the love and radiance we carry in our energy.

It gets us comfortable with high standards. This becomes the essence we carry.

So the question becomes: How can I push the boundaries on the care I show myself every day?

Here’s how I’m elevating self-care right now:

• Unrushed getting ready. Rather than giving myself 30-45 minutes, I’m going slow. The music is on, and I’m reminding myself I’m worth the time. Plus, I’m not just saving this for nights out. Daytime eyeshadow, anyone!?
  

• A long nighttime routine! Lots of time to wind down at the end of the day. Take off my makeup early, dim the lights, put on nice music, enjoy a face mask, and read a book or journal. I’m enjoying tuning into my energy at the end of the day and relaxing.
  

• Buying all of my favourite socks and underwear— this is so simple and fun. I have favourite socks & undies that I dig through my drawer to find daily. I finally just bought a bunch more of my favourites so I can have enough for every day. Genius.
  

• Regular blowouts. This is one of my all-time favourite beauty treats, but I save them for special occasions and tell myself I’d be better off putting that money elsewhere. Not anymore! I’m making them part of my regular routine for my own pure enjoyment. 🥰
  

• Writing first thing. I’ve been working on my biggest personal priority at the very start of my day, rather than the end. This reminds me that the things that are important to me matter. My desires can be my top priority.
  

• Dressing creatively. There’s nothing better than curating beautiful, colourful outfits that make me feel stylish and incredible. I’ve been giving myself more time to dress up and go all out!
  

• Putting on my lips. Lip liner and lipstick were previously reserved for nights out, but lately I’ve been doing this for any time I step out. A little extra glam on the way to the gym even.
  

• Getting the extra nice flowers. 💐 I’ve been buying the more beautiful, slightly more expensive flowers each week. A little reminder, I’m worth extra!

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Self-care can be experienced in so many ways. No matter how you resonate with it, the takeaway is that self-care shouldn't be afterthought energy.

We need to be willing to pour into ourselves and get comfortable with big devotional love, so we can receive big devotional care through all facets of our world.

We want to move beyond bare minimum energy.

We are the ones who set the standard for the care we receive in life, and we have the power to raise the standard at any time.

As I feel called to experience more beauty and luxury in my life, this has been a wonderful way to open myself up to it. 👏 Lavish, luxurious, unrushed self-care. 👏

I am worth pouring devotional time, energy, and resources into. And, so are you.

Self-care as self-love
Be bold enough to lavishly care and tend to yourself.
Be indulgent.
Raise the bar on the love you show yourself. Offer yourself more.
You teach others the standard you set.
You are worth the most luxurious care.

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Play with this:

• What is indulgent self-care for you?

• What pushes the boundaries of what you’re comfortable with? How can you go further?

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